Why I Wrote “Un:Stuck: Helping Teens and Young People Flourish in an Age of Anxiety”
‘What makes you feel most alive?’ is a question I continue to ask my children. I compiled Un:Stuck for many reasons, but mostly because I know that many young people today have lost connection with the essence of what it means to be fully alive and this breaks my heart.
Having witnessed climate and financial crises, political extremism, mass shootings, pandemic shut downs and the toxic impact of social media, among other life-changing issues, it is no surprise that many members of Gen Z (young people born 1997–2012) are facing unprecedented levels of anxiety, depression, addiction and suicidality – or diseases of despair as they have been coined. Even pre-pandemic we were the loneliest humans in recent history. Our lives are full of ‘stuff’, but our lives are empty and hollow. Meaningful contact is embedded in our DNA, yet loneliness hovers over our Western culture like a thick smog.
Yes, there are countless parenting books, many of them helpful. But few address the backdrop to this issue —a world so full of change and uncertainty that it’s getting harder to anchor our feet on solid ground. The truth is that our children’s minds are affected by this world, and we don’t talk about this anywhere near enough. We are paying the price in every area of our lives, most especially in the lives of the younger generation who are not being taught how to deal with their fluctuating emotions, with social media and with conflict and bullying, often until the consequences become extreme. “Don’t always look at the darkness in your experience, but look instead to see what grows from it – just as the lotus rises from the mud,” respected meditation and stress management teacher, Cornelius O’Shaughnessy, reminds us in Un:Stuck, offering timely guidance to help young people rise up from the murky depths.
In the face of the ongoing sadness, distress and bitter conflict in our world, we know there is also great possibility. Our children will shepherd our future. We want to help them better navigate a challenging phase of their lives. But what can we do? A lot, in fact. Research and real-life experience show time and time again that given the right ongoing support, recovery from these diseases of despair that plague our youth is possible and indeed likely.
I have been working and living in the wellbeing space for over 30 years and am an honours science graduate, qualified dietitian and yoga teacher, yet for a long time I felt powerless, with few relevant books to call on for guidance. Un:Stuck is my way of opening the gateway to a brighter, richer landscape. Drawing on a rich tapestry of internationally respected voices including leading scientists, doctors, teachers, visionaries and wisdom holders, the book provides essential tools to guide young people toward a future where they feel safe, loved and inspired.
Aside from my professional qualifications and experience, I am a mother of three adolescent and young-adult children, and a recent widow after losing my wonderful husband and the children’s Dad, Michael, just one year ago. Witnessing first-hand how the past years have impacted my family’s wellbeing, I was feeling quite helpless, and the more I read about the chronic state of the global health system and the turmoil in our young people’s lives, the more I despaired. I was fragile and I knew this was not helping anyone- and I knew that I was the adult in the room and needed to be more curious, courageous, emergent and wise.
We know that young people today are angry and fearful and they know what they are angry about, often before they even know who they are. What if we, as parents, teachers and caregivers, were to truly listen, beyond the lip service we can be quick to offer? Just as Ryan Dusick, founding drummer of the multi-award-winning Maroon 5, advises, “take the time to really listen – rather than immediately jumping to advice or ‘fixing’. What young people want and need above all else is to feel seen, heard and understood.” At the height of his music career Dusick suffered a breakdown, and his journey to health inspired him to pursue a new life and career as a psychotherapist and author of Harder to Breathe: A memoir of making Maroon 5, losing it all, and finding recovery.
Let’s imagine a world in which we stopped encouraging our children to choose a career where they can climb that ladder of success – and instead started asking them which challenges they wish to solve in the world. Just as ethical young activist Lea d’Auriol, founder of non-profit Oceanic Global, is doing. With a background rooted in loss, trauma, courage and self-discovery, she is rewriting storylines by empowering the leaders of tomorrow to turn their anger and despair into a clear vision for the future.
Today’s children and young adults are a new generation in a very different world. We need to help them be brave enough to pave their own way, excited yet somewhat fearful for their future. And this, in essence, lies at the heart of Un;Stuck. Through the pages we welcome in a world that advocates a life of greater thriving, health and belonging – one that can help us all, young and old, renew our relationship with one another, with the Earth and with life itself. It is because these ways have been lost that we are lost.
One thing I wish someone had told me when I was on the cusp of adulthood was that everything I needed to get through my life – through my fears and self-doubts – was already within me. Speaking
to that 18-year-old me now, I reassure her that she doesn’t have to live up to her parents’ or anyone else’s expectations; she can pave her own footprints in the sand. I remind her that happiness and ‘living her best life’ are fleeting, but meaning and purpose are what ultimately matter. And most of all I tell her to tune into the whispers of her heart – as this new world needs her truth, her wildness and tenacity, now. And when she does discover that which makes her feel most alive (and she will), she must nurture it with the inner force and dogged determination that has got her older self to where she is now!
Note: All Un:Stuck advances and 50% of book royalties will be donated to Molly Ollys, a charity created by Molly’s mum, Rachel Ollerenshaw, to support children with life-threatening illnesses and their families across the UK. https://mollyolly.co.uk/
-Kate
Irish-native Kate O’Brien has been living and working in the wellbeing space for over 30 years combining her scientific nutrition and yoga teaching qualifications in her writing and wellbeing commentary. She is a proud MEA Baja Alum.