The other day, my car’s audio system flashed a stern message: Watching video while driving is strictly prohibited! No ambiguity, no room for negotiation—just a firm boundary meant to keep me (and everyone else) safe. It got me thinking: What are the non-negotiables in my own life? And do I hold them with the same unwavering clarity?
As we age, something remarkable happens. We gain a deeper understanding of what truly matters. What once seemed optional now feels sacred. I know in my own life, and through my work coaching extraordinary leaders, that identifying and honoring our non-negotiables is essential to achieve well-being and success with integrity. Yet it’s not always easy.
On one hand, we may cave because we lack confidence, or are unsure what to say, or have fears that we won’t be liked. On the other hand, we may go overboard becoming rigid, preachy, and disconnected. The good news is there are practices to help you get good at knowing what your non-negotiables are, why they’re important to you, and how to uphold them in challenging moments.
Non-Negotiables as a Reflection of Love and Self-Respect
In my leadership book The Amare Wave (Amare is Latin for love) and weekly newsletter, I write about love as the uplifting and connecting energy that makes for great leaders and meaningful relationships. And it starts with how we treat ourselves.
I believe defining and upholding non-negotiables is an act of self-respect. If we compromise on our core commitments, we betray ourselves. When we stand firm, we send a clear message – to ourselves and to others – about who we are and what we stand for.
When Slippery Slopes Lead to Landslides
It’s easy to compromise on your non-negotiables “just this once.” Maybe it’s staying silent when a friend makes a disrespectful joke, even though truth-telling is a non-negotiable for you. Maybe it’s overcommitting to projects and then canceling on family plans, even though balance is supposedly a top priority.
This is cognitive dissonance at play—that uncomfortable tension when our actions don’t match our values. The mind tries to resolve it by either changing behavior or making excuses. “Family is my priority… but they’ll understand why I bailed this time.” It’s a slippery slope, and if we don’t catch ourselves, we end up far from the person we desire to be.
4 Amare Ways to Uphold Your Non-Negotiables
Staying true to what matters requires commitment and clarity. Here are four ways to make sure your non-negotiables remain just that:
1. Declare them out loud. When you make your non-negotiables clear—to yourself and others—they become real. Say them, write them down, and let people know what you stand for.
2. Check your daily choices. Look at your schedule, your relationships, your habits. Do they align with what you claim is most important? If not, adjust.
3. Course-correct quickly. If you slip, don’t rationalize—reset. The key isn’t perfection; it’s awareness and realignment. The corollary to that is if you do slip, don’t punish yourself. Give yourself some grace.
4. Surround yourself with integrity. Your environment and the people around you should reinforce your values and commitments, not tempt you to compromise them. MEA offers lots of great resources for learning how to stay true to yourself.
The Strength That Comes from Standing Firm
When we honor our non-negotiables, we don’t just lead better—we live better. People trust us because they see consistency. We trust ourselves because we know we won’t cave under pressure. And we become a source of strength and inspiration for others. Honoring your non-negotiables is an act of deep respect—for yourself, for others, and for the world you want to create.
-Moshe
Moshe Engelberg, Ph.D. speaks and coaches successful executives and leadership teams to be the best and most effective versions of themselves, through the Amare Way of profitable, love-powered leadership. For a reliable dose of leadership inspiration, subscribe to his free weekly newsletter here. You can also contact Moshe directly here. He is a proud MEA alum and Corazon member.