Guest Post: What I Learned Writing the Book I Never Thought I’d Write

Hell, I barely thought I was allowed to. I’m not famous. I haven’t cured cancer. I haven’t built a Fortune 500 company (yet). I’m just a regular woman who’s survived some seriously irregular life experiences and somehow turned them into a career, a family, and a version of success that I still sometimes feel like I’m faking.

That last part? Yeah, that’s what the book is about.

What started as a keynote for a women’s leadership conference turned into a full-blown reckoning with the voice in my head that’s been whispering “you’re not enough” for as long as I can remember. Not good enough. Not smart enough. Not strong enough. Not lovable enough. Just… not enough.

So, I did what I’ve done my whole life—I just figured it out. I call it the FIO Factor: “Figure It Out.” It’s how I got through a childhood filled with chaos, a career built on grit, and a lifetime of carrying around self-doubt like it was part of the dress code.

And somewhere in the writing, I realized: this wasn’t just a book about leadership. It was a book about becoming. And unbecoming. And surviving. And deciding to show up anyway.

Here are a few things I learned along the way:

1. “Not Enough” is a hand-me-down we never needed.

You know that voice? The one that tells you you’re too loud, too emotional, too bossy, too much? Yeah, that one. Turns out it’s inherited—from family, society, culture, and that one (or two) boss who just could not handle you. (Bless his heart.)

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to quiet that voice. Now I just talk back (well maybe I always did) but now with more strength and confidence.

2. Trauma teaches—but only if we decide to learn.

I’ve got my share of scars. Some visible, some buried deep. For a long time, I used those stories as excuses. Now I see them as evidence. Evidence that I’ve already survived worse. That I know how to rebuild. That I’m still standing—and not just standing, but leading.

3. The words people use about women? They tell on themselves.

Bossy. Abrasive. Aggressive. Emotional. You name it, I’ve been called it—or assumed someone was calling me that. And you know what? Sometimes they were right. I am bossy. I am emotional. And I’m done pretending that’s a flaw.

Because here’s the thing: I care deeply, I lead boldly, and I don’t suffer fools lightly. If that makes me a bitch? Cool. Put it on a nameplate.

All of those adjectives we hear about women are really a way to try to silence us. Emotional, yes because I am passionate and I care. Difficult to manage, yes, because I hold people accountable.  Bossy, yes, because I am not going to be walked all over, I am going to lead. You get the point. 

4. You need your people. Period.

I call them my Support Squad. These are the humans who remind me who I am when I forget. The ones who don’t flinch when I show the messy middle. The ones who say, “You’ve got this,” when I’m crying over coffee (ok, over red wine), doubting everything.

Build your squad. Don’t wait. And don’t be afraid to let some people expire from your life. (Not everyone’s meant to be lifetime membership material.)

5. Your wisdom isn’t waiting at the top of a mountain. It’s already here.

I used to think I had to earn the right to call myself wise. Turns out, wisdom doesn’t show up with a certificate. It shows up when you stop pretending, start listening to your gut, and own the lessons you’ve lived through.

If you’re part of the Modern Elder Academy community, this probably sounds familiar. MEA doesn’t just celebrate age—it celebrates evolution. It’s about stepping fully into this next chapter of life, not with fear or apology, but with purpose, clarity, and just the right amount of badassery.

Writing this book forced me to stop waiting for someone else to validate me—and start trusting that I already had what I needed.

So if you’re in a season of transition, doubt, reinvention, or just flat-out exhaustion… I get it. I’ve been there. I’m still there sometimes. But now, I know what to do when the ground shakes.

I FIO.

And I wrote the damn book.

-Michelle

Michelle Marquis is a bold, no-BS leadership voice who turned a lifetime of grit, chaos, and “not enough” into a career helping others step into their power. As a fractional executive, speaker, and newly minted author, she writes about the messy, human side of becoming a leader—unlearning the crap we inherited and owning the wisdom we’ve already earned. Her work blends straight talk, humor, and hard-won insight to remind women everywhere that they don’t need permission to lead; they just need to FIO and show up anyway. The book.