Releasing the pressure of having a purpose.
What Is the Purpose of Purpose?
The definition of purpose is “the reason something exists.” It’s a word that’s been used a lot lately—overused, in fact. And wow, purpose feels so heavy. So large. Grandiose, even. How can I possibly define the reason I exist? Existentially, I might never truly know that reason.
Over the years, I’ve had people offer me passing advice that has stuck with me to this day—tiny moments, like a stranger talking to me on a plane. They likely have no idea the impact they had. Was that their purpose? That moment in time they shared their wisdom? Who’s to say?
The current retirement playbook goes something like this: first, you leave your job. And then—immediately—you’re supposed to find your purpose. Because if you don’t, it’s implied your life will be totally unfulfilled. There are even studies claiming that people with purpose live longer! That feels… insane.. As if longevity can be tied to something so vague and slippery.
Because the truth is, purpose can’t really be defined—not in a fixed, lifelong sense. Yet we’re saddled with this lofty goal the moment we retire. No rest for the weary. We simply recreate the anxieties of work in our quest to find “retirement purpose.”
There’s even a whole industry built around it now: retreats that promise, if you just pay enough money, you’ll walk away with your purpose. In the recipe of life, purpose has become the magical ingredient that supposedly makes every day fulfilling. And yet, it’s purposely never clearly defined. Is Purpose what gives your life meaning? Maybe—but even that feels too big, too rigid.
So we try to retrofit our retirement with a healthy dose of purpose. But since we don’t know exactly what that means, we start attaching the word to any activity we deem “meaningful.” For instance, I volunteer for a local food bank and kids’ group. It’s something I love. But when I start labeling it as my “purpose,” it suddenly feels loaded. Now it’s not just an activity I enjoy—it’s supposed to be the reason I wake up in the morning. That’s a lot of pressure. What once felt altruistic now starts to feel… egotistic. And we all know: once the ego gets involved, it’s no bueno.
Besides, purposes change. That volunteer activity paused for a while—so what then? Was I supposed to stop getting out of bed? That seems silly. As we grow, life shifts, and purpose feels too rigid to accommodate those natural changes. If we cling too tightly, we find ourselves scrambling to locate a new purpose every time life evolves. Suddenly, this one overused word is running our lives—and making us feel like we’re failing some invisible life test.
Honestly, I’d love to scratch the word purpose from our minds altogether. Tools have purpose. People, though—we’re too fluid, too changing. If we let go of the pressure to find our purpose, maybe we could find spaciousness instead of constraints.
But if you do need a framework to anchor you, here’s an idea: instead of chasing purpose, try following your soul’s calling. Not with urgency, but with quiet listening. Just pause. Stare into space. Listen for what your soul is whispering—and then do that.
Think of yourself as someone planting seeds in the world. A kind smile to a stranger. A homemade meal shared with love. A moment of real attention. You’ll grow. You’ll feel joy. And joyful people plant even more wonderful seeds. We don’t need to do anything grand—just small, soul-led acts that ripple outward. This is what makes the world a better place and we leave the world just a little bit better than we found it. To me- this is enough. A life well lived!
-Andrea
After a 30 year career in IT recruiting Andrea moved to Baja where she runs an airbnb and writes the Substack “The Bare-ness of Aging” a soul’s exploration of growing older.