Barb Waxman is our longest-serving guest faculty member and one of our most popular teachers. Her upcoming workshop Your Longevity Life Plan: Live Better, Longer March 1-5 in Santa Fe is one of the highlights on our workshop calendar.
Recently, I posted a simple question on social media:
Do you want to live to 100? Why or why not?
The responses came quickly from people of all ages, and with surprising intensity.
Very few people were unequivocal: Absolutely not.
Almost always, their answers were shaped by what they had witnessed, loved ones who endured years of frailty, cognitive decline, or complete dependence.
But most people didn’t say yes or no.
They said yes, if.
If I’m still mentally sharp.
If I can stay physically independent.
If I’m not a burden.
If I have love in my life.
If I have purpose.
Those qualifiers matter. It’s not the length of life we’re negotiating with, it’s the quality of it.
At a certain point, the question shifts. It’s no longer How long might I live? What kind of life am I actually living now—and where is it headed?
Many people I speak with have done what they set out to do. Built or are building careers. Raised children. Shown up for others. Stayed capable and responsible. And yet there’s a growing sense that staying functional isn’t the same as feeling fully alive.
We live in a culture of comparison. We measure almost everything. Sleep scores. Steps. Heart rate variability. Productivity. Even moods. These metrics can be useful, they give us a foundation. They give us a baseline from which to do the real and meaningful work.
These metrics aren’t meant to tell us who we are becoming, and that is perhaps the most essential ingredient of a well lived life. That’s the wisdom work, and it’s meant to be a little messy in the most beautiful of ways.
The kind of clarity we crave emerges when we’re willing to treat ourselves as a study of one, paying attention to our habits, our circumstances, and what actually fits the life we’re living now.
Questions like:
- How do I build resilience and clarity for the long run given the life I’m actually living right now?
- What am I continuing out of a habit that no longer fits who I am becoming?
- What would it look like to treat myself like someone I love?
A good life, especially a long one, cannot be lived on autopilot. It requires intention across the whole of our lives: how we work, how we parent, how we partner with ourselves, and how we show up in relationship with others.
This isn’t about avoiding aging. It’s about remaining undiminished.
There’s a subtle but important difference between trying to preserve who you were and choosing to become who you are now. One clings. The other distills.
I’ve learned this personally. What renews me may look nothing like what renews someone else. I’m a power-napper. For my husband Scott, those same 20 minutes spent in a sauna is the ticket. Same outcome. Different paths.
That distinction matters. Because when we chase someone else’s version of “doing it right,” we often end up exhausted, not enlivened.
A life worth living, especially over many decades, has to be personal. It has to be shaped around real seasons, real constraints, and real values. It requires a foundation strong enough to support change: evolving roles, identity transitions, and honest reckoning with what still wants to emerge.
What I hear most often isn’t fear of aging. It’s a quieter concern:
I want my energy to match my intentions.
I want to feel connected, to myself and to others.
I want my life to feel aligned, not just busy.
A longer life without those things doesn’t feel like a gift.
A life with those things, at almost any age, does.
The people who answered yes, if already understand this. They aren’t bargaining with time. They’re asking for a life that remains rich with agency, meaning, and vitality.
That kind of life doesn’t happen by accident. It’s shaped, gently and deliberately, by how we pay attention, how we choose, and how willing we are to live with intention across every part of our lives.
More life in the years we have.
That’s the question worth living with.
-Barbara
Barbara Waxman is a nationally recognized coach, longevity expert, gerontologist, and long-time MEA faculty member, where she has been guiding compadres through personal and professional transitions for since its inception. Barbara is the author of The Middlescence Manifesto and the creator of the Longevity Lifeplan™, for weaving science, lived experience, and wisdom into practical frameworks for living well over time.