Most people aren’t.
Curious? Rate the following two questions on a 10-point scale (1: Very Low – 10: Very High).
1. What is the current level of achievement in your life?
2. What is the current level of fulfillment in your life?
Now, take a deep breath, lift your head, and notice how you felt rating the second question. To some, the second question could be disquieting.
THE MISSING LINK. Most people generally know how to live a life of achievement. They have clear visions and actions, learned from their upbringing, education, and profession.
However, living a life of fulfillment typically feels nebulous, even discretionary. Many have hunches but lack discipline on how to do so.
This discrepancy is particularly dire for higher achievers. They are resilient, driven, and role models of success. Yet they are running on empty. Many live a life of “high” accomplishment and “low” fulfillment.
The high achievers’ status, wealth, and the persona of strength mask their lack of fulfillment, connection, and meaning. They feel stuck.
A recent Harvard Business Review study revealed that 50% of CEOs feel lonely. The Challenger, Gray & Christmas’ research puts the rate of CEO loneliness at 61%. This is not just loneliness at the top; it’s loneliness as a lifestyle.
THE COST. Unfulfillment shows up in the form of emotional and physical struggles: feelings of sleepwalking through life, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, gastrointestinal complications (mostly women), or cardiovascular complications (mostly men). The prevailing attitude for many is, “That’s life; deal with it.”
No! You deserve to live a life of achievement AND fulfillment.
THE ANSWER. The emerging psychology of human fulfillment
We have a millennium-old body of knowledge on human achievement.
Our parenting, education systems, professional world, and sports are all founded on the science of achievement.
Yet, the science of human fulfillment is just now coming into focus.
I learned this the hard way. I am a psychologist, a family therapy and developmental trauma expert, and a leadership coach. It took me a lifetime of struggles with my own depression and anxiety, and over 30 years of research and clinical work to finally see things differently. See my website for more information. As I changed how I saw things, what I saw also changed. Living a life of fulfillment is a must.
YOUR EMOTIONAL RIGHTS. We are all wired to experience seven core emotions in our lifetime. I refer to these as The Bill of Emotional Rights. These seven lifelong Rights have existed in all people across all societies and eras. They are as elemental as our DNA.
We feel in flow and alive when we are rooted in these rights. Conversely, we feel anxious, depressed, or disconnected when our emotional rights are violated, dismissed, or delayed. Challenging life transitions, such as mid-life crises, or feelings of emptiness, often indicate faltering emotional fulfillment.
Emotional struggles are our own wake-up calls. They are not about broken minds or chemical imbalances. Unfulfilled emotional needs and unfinished life paths cause them.
My recent book, “You Are Not Depressed. You Are Un-Finished.” documents the science and application of The Bill of Emotional Rights.
Here are the seven Emotional Rights. How fulfilled are you in each of the seven areas in your life currently? This reflection pinpoints the starting point in enriching your emotional rights and ways to feel, live, and love better.
1: I BELONG. I have deep connections and affection, and I feel safe with shared and received love.
2: I AM COMPLETE. My being is untethered from past challenges, hurt, and trauma.
3: I AM BOUNDLESS. I am physically active, with body agency, engaged and aligned with nature. I am attuned to my physical sensations and intuition.
4: I MATTER. I am seen, valued, dignified, respected, and appreciated.
5: I MAKE. I contribute in ways that reflect my potency and impact and make my mark in this world.
6: I AM. I courageously express myself with my authentic voice, values, and convictions.
7: I SOAR. I step into my life’s calling and purpose, and abundant growth.
ASK YOURSELF:
Am I living a life aligned with these rights?
Have I compromised, played small, or not fulfilled my rights?
Have my rights been violated or dismissed?
Did I start giving my rights away?
Now is the time for you to really live—fully.
-Ardeshir
Dr. Mehran is a PhD psychologist, a family therapy and trauma expert, and a leadership coach. He has developed a fulfillment-based model for health and growth. Depression and anxiety are seen as the immovable causes, disorders that must be treated. Dr. Mehran busts this myth and focuses attention on the real culprit: the unfulfilled life we end up living when we deny our birthrights.