Decades ago, by his mid-20s, Neil Comins had established himself as a theoretical astrophysicist. In his early 40s, he and his wife were raising children and fielding the questions of their deeply curious older child, James. First were “What dat?” (What is that?) questions, then “Why?”, and then, by age five, he was asking “What if?”
One day, deep in the “What if?” phase, Neil, in his office at the University of Maine was chatting with a colleague who lamented, “You know, we scientists think about the world too much the same all the time.” As Neil and his colleague noodled, his son’s “what if?” questions sprang to mind. “Okay,” he ventured, “what if the moon didn’t exist?”
Considering how many ways the earth would be vastly different proved a life-changing event. The many “what if?” questions he then began asking about yielded a series of articles that were published in Astronomy magazine and became two popular books, the theme of a pavilion at a World Expo, and a totally immersive show that played for 17 years in Japan.
And it all began in midlife.
Midlife: The Human Orbit Shift
Midlife is most often associated with a crisis, a time of regrets and loudly ticking clocks. But what if we stopped fearing midlife, and instead treated it like Comins treats the cosmos—as a system worth questioning, layer by layer, with imagination and curiosity rather than angst.
Neil’s book What If the Moon Didn’t Exist starts with what we take for granted: the present-day Earth. He lays out the current state of things—our 24-hour day, tidal cycles, climate patterns—and then he removes one piece of the scenario: the Moon. He found that the best way to understand that change is to see what the Moon has really done for us over its lifetime:
The Moon formed when it was about 10 times closer to Earth than it is today. As a result, tides were a thousand times higher. The day was eight to 10 hours long. The short day-night cycle and rapid rotation abruptly shifted winds and weather. The tides pushed the Moon forward in its orbit, sending it spiraling away from Earth, a process that reduced the tides and slowed the Earth’s rotation to our 24-hour day.
So if the Moon had never formed, among many other things, a day would be close to 10 hours, the weather would be dramatically different, and there’d be no eclipses. Your to-do list would be a heck of a lot shorter.
That same what-if? approach can be applied to the emotional and psychological terrain of midlife.
The Midlife “What If”
What if you don’t take a midlife pivot? What if you simply continue along the path you began in your 20s, checking off life’s boxes—degree, job, relationship, kids—without ever pausing to reevaluate? Without ever emotionally reflecting on who you are or what you truly want?
Midlife is when many start to ask questions such as (Lachman, 2021):
- Am I living a life of purpose?
- What if I had chosen a different career?
- What legacy will I leave behind?
- What if this isn’t all there is?
Like Comin’s “What if the Moon didn’t exist?”, the questions aren’t about just rearranging mental furniture. They can alter everything: your self concept, your relationships, your sense of time, and your hopes for the future.
Removing midlife reflection might make our lives look more like that of Ebenezer Scrooge—successful just on paper. A self-made man living in a mansion with servants attending to his every need, he was miserly and emotionally disconnected. Without that pivot, he would never have found joy in connecting with others. Without the “ghost” of midlife to shake us, we risk never feeling truly awake.
Personal Growth Through the “What If” Lens
Comin’s process began not with fear, but with imagination. He didn’t stop at the surface question. He dug deep: What is the Moon’s purpose? What forces does it exert? How would the Earth be different in its absence?
In our lives, midlife provides us with the same opportunity. Remove one element—a long-standing job, a relationship, an unchallenged belief—and ask:
- What did this role provide?
- What did it prevent me from seeing?
- What changes would ripple out if I redefined it?
This kind of questioning is not indulgent—it’s transformative. It’s how people write books, start nonprofits, mend relationships, return to school, or stop taking for granted those they love.
A New Genre
The scientific “What if?” books became a new genre. And midlife offers a chance to create a version of yourself that’s not just an extension of who you were, but a deeply reimagined and evolved. James’ childhood questions not only reshaped his father’s career, it redefined his way of thinking. What might happen if you let yourself ask similar questions about your own life?
What if you started today?
- Examine one piece of your life at a time, and remove it hypothetically to understand its significance
- Explore how pivotal moments like midlife create emotional depth and perspective
- Ask reflective questions like: What if I didn’t have this emotional turning point? How would my life be different?
Using “what if?” as a tool for self-discovery at midlife will keep you from becoming emotionally disconnected and help you understand your deeper purpose and connections. The approach encourages:
- Emotional reflection
- Understanding life’s transformative moments
- Exploring alternative life trajectories
- Gaining deeper self-awareness.
The payoff in emotional and personal development will last your entire life.
-Deborah