Somehow, and stop laughing out there, it’s different from 89. I mean, there I was “in my 80s”, embracing one project after another, with nary a thought that this might be my final act.
Then suddenly, I was 90. Holy moly, you’re 90, Jim. Should you still be writing books, giving speeches, and teaching writing? Why the hell not, answered my inner 65 -year-old self. I have no plans for waking up on the wrong side of the grass. (I still like Woody Allen’s comment: I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.)
I’m not kidding, AT 90, I started to seriously analyze all the juicy segments of my life. I say Juicy, because I remember my life as an ongoing feast of delights. No, I wasn’t born with a silver spoon (not even plated) and nannies and luxuries. My hero image father, who was the district attorney of the City of Miami, died after one week in the hospital, only 47, and I was 14, going-on-11. We were all young for our ages back then, before TV, social media, even before air-conditioning in South Florida. My beautiful mother was 40, and was shattered when her dream life turned into a nightmare. It was 1950. They had married in 1928, as the great depression started, but had arrived at a comfortable financial and emotional level, with a positive future ahead. How many times have we heard it—life changes in a heartbeat?
With zero money, worked my way through high school and college, I am the ONLY person you know in the world who finished college with a full-tuition bassoon scholarship from MSU. Got a degree in Communications. Only two universities in America offered that degree in 1957. Came to NYC and took home $200 a month after taxes. Did I suffer? Not for a minute. Went to work at least an hour early every day. Still did that when I was in a corner office earning six figures (when that meant something).
MEA entered my life in my 80s. For two years, I read The Wisdom Well, Chip’s brilliant daily explanation of life, before booking a workshop. Lucked out. Was at the first Dan Buettner Blue Zones gathering, taught by Dan and Chip. Although I’m more Elderessence than Middlessence, I’ve embraced all the tools and lessons for aging with a smile. Started writing books about it even before MEA, which helped me map the positive steps that make living every day an absolute pleasure.
Of course, there was pain. I was a caregiver of dementia for four years–a tsunami of self doubts when I moved my family 5400 miles to Buenos Aires for a four-year gig when the kids were just 9 and 11. Then, in my late 40s, gambled everything starting a business I knew nothing about.
My net net was that every phase of my life was exciting, challenging, and ultimately rewarding because I wasted no time submerged in self-pity or regrets. I thought every day was a miracle about to happen. And now, knowing I’ll be 91, “in my 90s” this September, I can honestly say, I’m having one of the best decades of my life.
My babies, now in their mid-60s, gave me a wonderful compliment: “You never bored us.” We have a loving, contemporary relationship, ditto with my four millennial grandsons & their brides. And there are even three great-grandchildren I hope to influence in the next ten years.
This has been fun, reminiscing about life. Let me give you some advice. Find a MEA WORKSHOP in Baja or Santa Fe that will touch your head and heart, and come do some Me-Search. You’ll be amazed at what you can discover about yourself.
XO, Jim
Jim Flaherty, https://www.jamesbflaherty.com, was a MadMan in NYC’s ad world and was creator & innkeeper of a famous inn. He also wrote five books in his 80s—two are fiction novels, three are chats with Jim about aging cheerfully and productively. His schedule at 90.5: A novel, a non-fiction, a screenplay, some public speaking, teaches writing up in NY State where he lives, and still manages to sing in his church choir. He’s a six-time graduate of MEA and threatens to return next year. His latest book is LOVING LONGEVITY—Make your next years your best years.