Those with whom you feel soulfully connected, even though there’s no romance? I have a budding friend who I feel this kind of connection with. It’s a little awkward as it can be with two gay men who have an affection for each other but haven’t crossed that familiar (way too trodden) bridge of turning a soul attraction into a sexual encounter. This platonic partnership feels blessedly pure without the messiness of trying to figure out what it’s meant to be. It just is. And, it feels good, not weighed down by the expectations baggage.
For you, it may be your best work friend or your coach or your close college friend with whom you’ve said you’d love to grow old with in some big seaside home. We don’t have much of a common language for these precious human collaborations, which is why I’ve been enjoying reading a book about reimagining life with friendship at the center.
Rhaina Cohen’s “The Other Significant Others” is one of those rare books that quietly shifts how you view your relationships. In an age when society still treats romantic partnership as the pinnacle of human connection, Cohen invites us to consider something radical: friendship as a life-defining bond in its own right.
An NPR producer and veteran narrative storyteller, Cohen blends investigative rigor with emotional empathy to bring to life stories of people who have oriented their lives around friendships that look, in many ways, like marriages. These are not casual best-friend anecdotes — they are stories of co-ownership of homes, co-parenting, caregiving, long-term emotional intimacy, and shared daily rituals that rival the depth and complexity of romantic relationships.
The heart of the book lies in its reframing of our cultural script. Cohen argues that we undermine romantic relationships by expecting too much of them, while simultaneously diminishing friendships by expecting too little. This imbalance, she suggests, both strains marriages and obscures the potential of friendship to sustain a life. By drawing on social science, historical contexts, and vivid personal narratives from diverse friendship pairs, she makes a compelling case for broadening our emotional vocabulary around intimacy.
What makes the book especially resonant is its honesty. Cohen doesn’t dismiss the beauty of romantic love — she simply asks whether our cultural hierarchy of relationships has narrowed what we believe is possible. Her reporting reveals that deep platonic bonds can be as essential, as fulfilling, and as enduring as any romantic partnership.
“The Other Significant Others” is both timely and transformative: a necessary read for anyone questioning traditional narratives of love, marriage, and belonging.
-Chip