As he was finishing the manuscript for Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl gave a series of lectures in Vienna in which he said, “It is not we who are permitted to give life meaning. It is life that asks the questions. We are the ones who must answer the essential life questions” (emphasis mine).
I believe three of “the essential life questions” are:
- Am I living authentically?
- Am I cultivating meaningful relationships?
- Am I making the world a little better?
I derived these 3 Questions from my own lived experience, as well as my reading of Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s seminal work, On Death and Dying.
For the record: I’ve struggled with treatment-resistant depression and anxiety for much of my life. The 3 Life Questions™ arose, in part, from my desire to understand why, despite many academic and career achievements, peace and fulfillment always seemed to remain just out of reach.
As I sought deeper understanding, I kept returning to the stories in On Death and Dying. It seemed to me that the individuals in Dr. Kübler-Ross’s study, as they attempted to put their lives into perspective, were asking themselves some form of the 3 questions. Moreover, those who felt good about their answers were able to approach the end of their life with far greater peace and acceptance, while those who could not had far more doubt, uncertainty, and deep regret.
The 3 Life Questions cut to the heart of meaning, fulfillment, and satisfaction. To live authentically is to become genuinely oneself, not someone else’s (or even society’s) version of who others say you are “supposed” to be. Meaningful relationships give us a sense of connection to ourselves, to other sentient beings, and to God/Consciousness/The Cosmos. Having a positive impact allows us to feel that we matter.
Remaining mindful of these Questions doesn’t always come easily, or even naturally. In my own experience, I’ve found that I often bury the Questions beneath my psychological and spiritual “F.L.A.B.” (the Fears, Labels, Attachments, and Beliefs I carry, which skew my perspective and cause me to focus on the demands of my ego).
To counter this, I recommend the following practice. At least twice per day (consider setting an alarm as a reminder), stop and ask:
“In this moment . . .
- . . . how might I live even more authentically, from the deepest sense of who I am?
- . . . how might I cultivate even more meaningful relationships with the people who matter most?
- . . . how might I make life just a little bit better for myself and others, even if that’s as simple as bringing a smile to the cashier at the grocery store?”
Asking The 3 Life Questions multiple times each day helps me change my approach to the present moment. I gain perspective on what truly matters, and with that clearer perspective, I’m able to move into the next moment, aligned with the best of who I am.
I am more at peace. I have fewer regrets.
I invite you to consider The 3 Life Questions as a framework for remaining aligned with your most authentic self; for cultivating relationships that matter; and for making the world just a little bit better because you’re here.
-Chris
Chris Kenny ([email protected]) is an MEA alum and executive coach with over 35 years’ experience helping individuals bring out the best in themselves and others. He now serves as a Principal Guide to leaders seeking answers to three of the most essential questions Life asks all of us.