A lot. Not just the occasional “Where did I put my keys?” but full-blown commentary on squirrels, grocery store produce, and whether French fries at 10:30 a.m. count as breakfast. (They do.) My favorite personal statement to myself is “Yay, Chippee!” when something unexpectedly is going my way.
So I loved stumbling upon a recent New York Times piece by Jancee Dunn, who confessed that she, too, has become a midlife mutterer — and that our tribe is larger than we think.
Psychologists call it private speech, and while it peaks in childhood, it often resurfaces in midlife. Why? Because we finally stop caring so much about how we look to others. If narrating your pantry search soothes your nerves or helps you remember the vanilla extract, so be it.
Even better, researchers say it’s actually useful. Talking out loud can calm anxiety (“You’ll be OK”), boost motivation (“You’ve got this”), improve planning, rehearse tough conversations, and keep your mental shopping list from evaporating.
I remember the summer of 2024 when I was going through a rough patch and taking a long hike on our MEA ranch in Santa Fe. I kept hearing the words and then repeating them, “You’ve been here before.” Of course, locationally, I’d done that hike before, but I felt like I was facing fresh obstacles when, in fact, I’d built up some wisdom, educated in the School of Hard Knocks, that could serve me well a year and a half ago. Repeating that to myself was just a form of self-coaching.
Of course, if your self-talk turns into nonstop criticism, that’s another story. But a little audible encouragement? Or delighting out loud at perfect bananas? Completely human.
Midlife gives us permission to be less filtered. If talking to ourselves helps us navigate this chapter with more grace, clarity, and humor, then maybe the wisest voice we hear really is our own.
What kinds of things do you regularly utter to yourself?
-Chip
PS: Let me offer a personal audible publicly. We want you to help us! Last chance to bid in our Season of Giving Auction before it closes on December 15th. It’s not too late to snag amazing items or donate directly to the MEA Scholarship Fund. Happy Holidays!