This past Thanksgiving, I was unexpectedly given a glimpse into vibrant aging and wise living. I spent the holiday with my boyfriend’s 86-year-old father, J., and his stepmother, E., who live in a 55+ community near San Francisco. At 45, I observed their lives with particular interest, wondering what my path might look like four decades from now.
When we arrived, they eagerly told us about their latest Netflix discovery—”Man on the Inside,” in which Ted Danson plays an older man who goes undercover in a nursing home to investigate jewelry theft. “It feels a little too close to home,” J. joked, but his ability to laugh about aging while living fully in the present struck me. This balance between acknowledging reality and maintaining lightness seemed vital to growing older.
Our two days together were refreshingly simple: sharing non-traditional meals (pork lettuce wraps instead of turkey), taking walks, sitting outside, and exchanging stories. They spoke enthusiastically about their neighbors and maintained a natural curiosity about life that I found inspiring.
As I observed what sets them apart from others their age who seem less fulfilled, several key elements emerged:
A Sustainable Partnership: While there’s no guarantee relationships will endure as needs change over time, those with loving partnerships in their later years often thrive. J. and E.’s comfortable companionship provides support and independence, and they often express their love and appreciation for each other. With age, as we become more aware of the passing of time, we might get better at always expressing our gratitude.
Rich Community Connections: Their web of relationships with neighbors, family, and friends creates a robust support network. Regular social engagement, whether through shared meals or simple check-ins, helps prevent the isolation that often challenges older adults. They mentioned several occasions when neighbors stopped by to bring them food or treats.
Meaningful Engagement: Neither has “retired” from life—they maintain curiosity about the world, try new experiences, regularly discover new restaurants in their area, and stay connected to current events. In my opinion, this engagement keeps them firmly in the present rather than dwelling in the past.
Active Body and Mind: Daily walks, regular exercise, hobbies, and lively discussions contribute to their vitality. They understand that maintaining physical and cognitive health requires consistent, intentional effort. J. also regularly sends emails with interesting articles he’s read online, keeping those around him abreast of topics that he finds interesting.
What struck me most was that these weren’t qualities developed late in life—they’re aspects J. and E. cultivated throughout adulthood that now illuminate their elder years. Their example clarified what I need to nurture now for my future: strong relationships, community connections, curiosity, and holistic well-being. It also reminded me to be more aware of time—that this is one of our most precious commodities—and even if I still have four decades before I reach 86, I need to use every day wisely.
As we navigate our aging journeys, the key isn’t to wait until we’re older to develop these qualities but to begin cultivating them now. Those two days showed me that vibrant aging isn’t about what you start doing at 65, 75, or 85—it’s about the life practices you develop and maintain along the way.
-Christina
Christina Vo is an MEA alum and the author of My Vietnam, Your Vietnam, and The Veil Between Two Worlds, which explore themes of grief, healing, and identity. She resides in Santa Fe and works in donor relations at Stanford University.