Our well-being depends upon our aging psycho-hygiene, how we cleanse ourselves of mindsets and belief systems that rob us of joy, discovery, and possibility during this unique period of our life when we’re young enough to learn to surf, discerning enough to decide for ourselves whether we want to catch a wave, and self-deprecating enough to be able to laugh as we try to hang ten.
This week, I’ve featured an academic study that suggests a new life stage has arisen, the Emerging Elder. The authors suggest that Emerging Elders face six primary tasks as they transition into later life. I listed them in my blog post three days ago and will now explore each from my personal point of view of how I’d grade myself on each task. You can do the same.
- Acknowledgment and acceptance of the realities of aging: When the authors refer to “realities,” I hope they mean both the downside AND the upside of aging. For me, the downside is very physical and my cancer journey and slightly misshapen body as a result of multiple surgeries, radiation, and testosterone-blockers have reminded me that my body is purely an old-model rental car with dings and scratches. It’s the upside – the freedom of being me and the joy of connecting with you – that brings a smile to my face.
- Normalization of associated concerns about future: Having had an NDE at 47 and stage-3 cancer the past few years, I don’t worry much about death. I would say I’ve normalized the idea that I will die.
- Active reminiscence and possible longing for the past: The last thing I want to do is dwell on the past or live through my memories, but I’m really appreciating that I’m reigniting friendships from the past now that I have some “time affluence.”
- Accommodation to physical, cognitive, and social changes: As someone who teaches workshops in navigating midlife transitions and believes in the three-step model of looking at any change – the ending, the messy middle, and the beginning – I feel well-equipped to deal with this, but – once again – I wouldn’t say that all of these changes are negative or full of decline. My change of moving from Mr. Hero as CEO of MEA to Mr. Coach as Executive Chair whose goal (like when I was at Airbnb with the founders) is to help everyone around me be more effective is a shift in my sense of identity that taps into my wisdom and being less ego-centric, qualities that improve with age.
- Search for new emotionally meaningful goals: Whether it’s my growing role as father to my two young sons, my public role as a “midlife activist,” or my on-going intention to be a beginner my whole life (lately, it’s learning to juggle), I’m discovering new ways to stretch what it means to be Chip. My favorite MEA question helps me with this, “Ten years from now, what will I regret if I don’t learn it or do it now?”
- An expansion of the capacity to manage ambiguity and complexity: As I grow old, I grow whole and have become the alchemist of my polarities: curiosity and wisdom, gravitas and levity, yin and yang, extrovert and introvert, masculine and feminine. Rather than seeing the world and myself as black and white, I welcome the subtleties and patinas of life that make the landscape so much more rich and multi-dimensional.
I feel a sense of optimism and confidence in realizing these esteemed academics are seeing something that I’ve been witnessing and MEA has been offering: a realization that being a “modern elder” or “emerging elder” is a gift, not just for ourselves, but for society as a whole. The pendulum on aging has swung to the extremes over the past two centuries from people rounding up (trying to look older than they are) to rounding down (using Botox and fillers). It’s time we saw our pre-elderly years as an era of immense opportunity to live up to what David Bowie said before he passed away way too young, “Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been.”
-Chip
P.S. Our hearts go out to those affected by the devastating wildfires in Los Angeles. To support those in need, we’ve attached a NEEDS board for assistance requests, a list of local organizations offering aid, and information on free Airbnb stays through LA211 for evacuees. Let’s unite as a community to help one another; if you have questions or can contribute, contact [email protected].