There’s social science evidence showing that younger people consistently and markedly overestimate how satisfied they will be in five years, while older people underestimate future satisfaction. Researchers have found that during middle age, our satisfaction with life is declining (that’s the U-Curve of Happiness), but our expectations are also starting to decline as well – and that in fact, they tend to decline even faster than satisfaction itself (what Brené Brown calls the “midlife unraveling” of expectations). Eventually, however, expectations settle into a more realistic level than in youth, and reality begins exceeding them. This happens around one’s 50s and is part of the reason that life satisfaction begins to rise again.
In sum, early midlife (especially 45-50) is a time of double misery, made up of disappointments (for what you haven’t accomplished or for what you have but feel empty about) and evaporating aspirations. Paradoxically, those who objectively have the least reason to complain (e.g. if they have a desirable job) often suffer most. They feel ungrateful and disappointed with themselves particularly because their discontent seems so unjustified – which creates a potentially vicious circle.
It’s at the bottom of the U-curve when expected life satisfaction aligns with current satisfaction levels. People come to terms with how their life is playing out. At the same time, the maturing brain learns to feel less regret about missed chances. This combination of accepting life and feeling less regret about the past is what makes life satisfaction increase again.
And that, my friends, is Professor Conley’s brief lecture for the day.
-Chip