Understanding My “Parts.”
I’ve spent most of my adult lifetime trying to understand my personality, believing that the more I knew myself, the more I could control the challenging parts of myself. It was like my personality was a prison I needed to project and protect. I learned that I was a 3 with a 4 wing on the Enneagram, an ENFP on Myers-Briggs, an I on the DISC assessment, and on and on. These insights were helpful cerebrally, but it felt like something was missing.
I was introduced to Dr. Dick Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS), last year after hearing rave reviews from many people who’d worked with therapists that had studied with Dick learning about “Parts” work. Grounded in systems thinking, Dr. Schwartz developed IFS in response to clients’ descriptions of various parts within themselves. He focused on the relationships among these parts and noticed systemic patterns in how they were organized across clients. He also found that when the clients’ parts felt safe and were allowed to relax, the clients would spontaneously experience the qualities of confidence, openness, and compassion that Dr. Schwartz came to call the Self. He found that when in that state of Self, clients would know how to heal their parts.
Put another way, it’s one thing to know the ingredients in a delicious bowl of pasta bolognese. It’s quite another to understand how to cook the dish. Dick has taught me how to cook my bowl of pasta by helping me see my predominant three parts - Mr. Ambition, Mischievous Creativity, and the Little One - and how they interact when I’m in an unhealthy place AND a healthy place. I feel more integrated as a result of this work. As many of you know, the 12th reason why life gets better with age in my book “Learning to Love Midlife” is “I Feel Like I’m Growing Whole,” and Dick’s work enhances that feeling.
We’re honored that Dick Schwartz is leading an MEA Santa Fe workshop May 27-June 1 called “Learn to Love Your Inner Critic.” Maybe it’s time for you to shift from studying your personality to making healthy sense of your parts in an intimate setting with others who are also seeking to grow whole.
-Chip
