When you’re married, retirement isn’t just a milestone on your personal timeline, it’s a profound relationship transition! Think about it: For decades you and your spouse have lived within a rhythm shaped by work schedules, daily routines, and other familiar patterns and then one day the structure that once anchored your lives is yanked out from underneath you… and suddenly you’re navigating a paradox of more time, more choices, more possibilities, and more unknowns.
The Emotional Side of Retirement
What often surprises couples is not the financial adjustments but the emotional and relational ones. We spend decades preparing for the numbers, the markets, and the “what ifs” of our investments. We attend seminars, meet with advisors and run projections so we can feel confident about our financial future… but let’s face it, running out of money pales in comparison to running out of family, friends, good health, and time, especially with the most important person in your life.
It’s an unnecessary mistake that causes some couples to waste the first few years trying to put the pieces back together and get the transition figured out.
Research suggests that more than 80% of couples nearing retirement do not have a written plan for the everyday aspects of retired life (1). The key point being having a written plan! It’s easy to daydream and think about certain aspects of life after work- like what you’ll do with your extra time and freedom, the places you’d like to travel to and see, and the extra time you would like to spend with family. But those are big bucket list items that only represent a small fraction of your actual time in retirement. It’s like comparing brochure life to real life.
Get Off Auto-Pilot
The key opportunity here is to find some time to get off auto-pilot and stop assuming you’re on the same page.
A game-changing process you can start by discussing questions like:
- How much time do we want to spend together?
- How much time do we need to be apart?
- Are we expecting to eat 3 meals a day together?
- How will we share household responsibilities now that we’re both home?
- How often do we want to travel, golf, volunteer, or help with the grandkids?
- What happens if one of us wants more activity and the other wants more rest?
Without clear communication assumptions quietly take place of conversations and each partner begins constructing an unspoken version of what retirement should be and those versions often don’t match. Some couples expect constant togetherness, others crave independence, while others imagine reinventing themselves, or moving at a slower pace.
When Assumptions Replace Conversations
Truth is, whether it’s a week before retirement or a month or two into it, many couples don’t realize how different their expectations are until tensions, disagreements, and frustrations have already begun to settle in. When you don’t communicate what you’re thinking, feeling, or avoiding around this major transition can be the silent force that derails your best laid plans. Financial security won’t protect you from emotional instability. A well-designed portfolio can’t make up for a poorly aligned partnership.
How Do You Hedge Against This?
- Start having honest and meaningful conversations
- Set aside assumptions and replace them with curiosity
- Talk about things that you want to shape your day-to-day life
- Find a tribe of like-minded people going through this as well
When couples take the time to reflect, communicate and plan intentionally everything shifts. They begin to see retirement as a time to work together, complement each other, and use their relationship as a part of their family legacy.
Retirement can be the gateway to the life you have long envisioned as a couple but “happily ever after” doesn’t happen on its own. It happens because two people actively choose to understand each other, honor each other. and build a shared vision for the road ahead. After all, a successful marriage in retirement isn’t one without problems, it’s one in which you learn to face and overcome them together.
Be a part of a growing exclusive group of people with an actual written plan for the everyday side of retirement. Invest in your relationship and take some of the pressure off trying to navigate the non-financial side of retirement planning with a 3-day deep dive at MEA’s Santa Fe ranch January 22-25, 2026. Retirement Planning for Two: Creating Your Shared Vision is designed to help couples create a retirement lifestyle plan that goes beyond your investment portfolio. This interactive and engaging weekend retreat fosters a closer bond between partners, creates connection amongst participants navigating similar transitions, and equips people with a concrete roadmap to make the most of your retirement transition.
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Retirement experts Amie and Bob Laura know firsthand what it takes to navigate retirement as a couple.
Their upcoming workshop Retirement Planning for Two: Creating Your Shared Vision (January 22-25, 2026 in Santa Fe), will guide couples through the conversations that matter most, before friction turns into frustration. It’s designed for couples who are newly retired or a few years away from it and find themselves out of sync about what retirement should look like. If you’re feeling disconnected, stuck, or unsure of what comes next, this immersive three-day experience will help you get aligned and create a fulfilling shared vision.