I’m not a big believer in confidence. You might say I have very little confidence in confidence itself.
Probably like many of you reading this, I have been told over and over that confidence is what I need if I want to succeed in life, that familiar challenge to “go in there with confidence” or “reach deep down and grab your confidence.”
The truth is, confidence has always eluded me. It’s something I’ve rarely felt in my life and it’s certainly not something I’ve ever been able to magically conjure up. However, somehow without it, I’ve been able to accomplish many of my dreams.
Upon reflection, I’ve come to think and feel that confidence is overrated and quite possibly a hindrance and not what we should be focused on. When we believe we need confidence in order to begin the journey of our dreams we put a condition on ourselves and we wait until that magic moment when confidence suddenly drops into us, but confidence rarely does drop into us and that condition of feeling we need it, keeps us from embarking on our journey.
But, more importantly, it keeps us from getting vulnerable with ourselves and asking the all-important question, “What do I want?” This question “what do I want” is the single most important question we can ask ourselves. If I don’t know what I want, what good is confidence?
A ship captain cannot leave port until he or she knows their destination. The destination itself is the guide and motivator, and all actions come after it’s decided. There is no use in being a confident captain on an aimless ship. Hence, knowing what I want has always been the most important factor in the successes I’ve experienced and continue to experience to this day. Knowing what I want motivates my daily actions, decisions and intentions, forms my habits and keeps me focused and constantly learning and readjusting towards the goal.
For me, “what do I want” accords with “what do I love.” The two go hand in hand because it’s hard to imagine wanting and desiring something I don’t also love. I’m using the word love here to mean that intense burning desire for the thing that I want and THAT burning desire becomes my power source, hence my confidence.
Love and desire are so much more powerful than conjured up feelings of confidence because love and desire are not made up concepts but instead come from the deepest parts of who I am. Discovering what I want and holding onto what I want is the single most important power source that I have and the other thing; finding out “what I want” is all I’ve ever needed and it’s always been enough to get me to the destination regardless of whether or not I felt confident.
-Stacy
From his early start as a kid on a skateboard in Charlie’s Angels in the 1970’s, Stacy Peralta went on to become a professional skateboarder and surfer and a well-known film director and entrepreneur. He will be teaching again at MEA Baja this June with “Radical Transitions: The Courage to Reinvent Yourself” (with our own Mindfulness Leader Teddi Dean).