As we write about in our Anatomy of a Transition free ebook, most personal or professional transitions can be mapped out into three stages: the ending, the messy middle, and the new beginning. Once you understand this rite of passage roadmap, you can determine which stage you’re in and address it accordingly.
Often, we’re having a “lifequake” when we’re experiencing multiple transitions at once. For example, you might be in stage 1 (the ending) when it comes to contemplating changing your career, stage 2 (the messy middle) when it comes to living by yourself for the first time after a recent divorce, and stage 3 (the new beginning) when it comes to exploring your Catholicism after thirty years of disavowing religion.
I’ve found these questions to be very helpful when you’re addressing each of these stages. I hope they’re helpful to you as you think about all the transitions you’re going through or anticipating.
STAGE 1: The Ending
- Will you sleep better at night in the long run knowing that it’s time to part ways with this era of your life and what can you do in the short run to comfort yourself through the early start of this transition?
- What emotions need to be expressed to help you move from this past era?
- How can you ritualize the end of this time in a way that helps you mark it and know that it is the past and now you’re moving into the future?
STAGE 2: The Messy Middle
- Who can be your objective, loving social support during this awkward and liminal second stage?
- Since our painful life lessons are the raw material for our future wisdom, what lessons have you learned based upon this era that has just passed?
- If you look back ten years from now and connect the dots about where this transition is leading, what is the throughline, or, in other words, how will this period serve you in the future?
STAGE 3: The New Beginning
- Can you relish being a beginner, even if it means looking a little silly or stupid? In other words, can you laugh at yourself?
- What fixed mindsets (a belief that you only have so much skill or luck, or maybe a mindset that says you’re too old to do this) need to be expunged in order for you to appreciate your ability to improve and learn?
- How can you celebrate your continual improvement and take joy in your openness to a new experience?
And, of course, my favorite MEA question is: Ten years from now, what will you regret if you don’t learn it or do it now? Anticipated regret is a form of wisdom.
Our Emerging Elders Masterclass (ideal for those of us 55-75) begins today and lasts through tomorrow with quite a line-up of people joining me including Maria Shriver, James Hollis, Ken Dychtwald, Dr. Louise Aronson, Dr. Bill Thomas and mythologist Michael Meade. The cost is just $97. Hope to see you.
-Chip