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Comparison is the Recipe for Suffering


It’s 5:30 pm on Monday. The sun is setting, the whales are breaching, the birds are chirping, the margaritas are flowing, and you’re comparing your outfit to the radiant woman across the room. Welcome to the opening night of an MEA workshop in Baja.  I think part of the reason we hate high school or […]

It’s 5:30 pm on Monday. The sun is setting, the whales are breaching, the birds are chirping, the margaritas are flowing, and you’re comparing your outfit to the radiant woman across the room. Welcome to the opening night of an MEA workshop in Baja. 

I think part of the reason we hate high school or college reunions in our 20s, 30s, and 40s is that we’re still sizing ourselves up with everyone else. It also happens in a workshop. We’re trying to see where we fit in the pecking order. And, so, our judgment and cattiness may emerge. But, the real victim of our “pecking” is ourselves. I learned long ago that the most judgmental people I know have a harsh inner critic.

Last week, we had an ambitious, career-minded cohort of 29 compadres going through Herminia Ibarra’s “Working Identity” workshop dedicated to helping us disrobe our career identities that no longer serve us. It was a treat to witness the evolution of connection amongst this group in a more professionally-oriented workshop moving from “how do I compare?” to “how do I connect?” It was exquisite as everyone started to lovingly observe the moral beauty in each other. 

If you’re having a bad day, week, or month, ask yourself whether the act of comparing (even comparison with your expected circumstances) is part of the reason you’re feeling low. I’ll finish with a beautiful quote from Epicurus from 2,500 years ago: “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” Touché.

-Chip

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