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The Gift of Cancer (Part 5)


I wear a lot of identities in the world: entrepreneur, author, father, teacher, son, friend, Stanford grad, expat. But, I never thought I’d add the Big C (beyond Californian) to my list of identifies: Cancer Survivor…or, my preference, Cancer Thriver.

Just like when you meet another Burner, there’s a knowingness that connects you, I feel a deep kinship with every other Thriver I meet, especially those – like me – who still have cancer inside of them, who’ve not fully beaten it. 

I’m part of a community who’s had to deal with the uncertainty and powerlessness of this disease. I’ve had to learn to advocate for myself in a confusing and frustrating health care world. I’ve had to endure physical pain and embarrassments that have humbled me. I’ve had to learn how to ask for help.

When people say there is no cure for your cancer, they’re talking about the disease that destroys your body. But, the more time I’ve spent in this new identity, I’ve started to think that maybe there is a cure for the Diagnosis—the idea that ravages your mind. How can I see this experience as being a gift instead of a curse? If our painful life lessons are the raw material for our future wisdom, this cancer journey has given me a heavy dose of wisdom. 

In a previous blog post I outlined my four key Cancer School lessons and I’ve updated them below with more details: 

1. “Slow Down, Spread Out.” Long ago, when we created a San Francisco hotel for bourgeois bohemian businesspeople, we offered slippers in every guest room with “Slow” on the left slipper and “Down” on the right slipper. Being the driven workhorse that I am, I believe “Slow Down” is the mantra for my approach to aging. And “Spread Out” means to focus on the vast array of things that are important to me beyond being CEO of MEA (now Executive Chair to give me more space in my life): hanging out more with my sons Eli and Ethan, traveling with my partner Oren, spending time with my parents who are in their later-80’s, enjoying quality time with friends.

2. “Slow Down MEA.” As an entrepreneur, when you happen upon a great business idea, you press your foot on the accelerator. As a social entrepreneur with MEA, I see the great value we create for people in midlife who want to consciously curate the second half of their adult lives. So, of course, in the pandemic, we spread from our Baja campus to purchasing some big, expensive properties in the Santa Fe, NM area. But, in the spirit of slowing down and making sure that scaling doesn’t diminish our soul, we’ve slowed down the development of the other Santa Fe properties (beyond the Ranch which opened six months ago) just so that we can grow at a more natural rate with less stress. How many ventures have been on the right trajectory, but an impatient desire for success ruined the business? I know we’re on the right path so why not preserve product quality and our team’s way of life by slowing down our development process? 

3. “Less Hero, More Coach.” One of the archetypes that I’m most drawn to is being the hero, the person who comes in and saves the day. It feeds my ego. But, honestly, it’s pretty tiring living that way, and it doesn’t give others the ability to step up if I’m constantly swooping in like Superman (“Swooperman”). So, I’m doing my best to live my own credo of leading with questions instead of answers while coaching others to find their internal wisdom. I’ve made some progress in this area by completely reshuffling our leadership team and empowering them more while elevating our Chief Marketing & Technology Officer Derek Gehl to being CEO. 

4. “Love My Body.” How would I treat my body if it was my best friend? As our car ages, it needs more maintenance check-ups. Our bodies are the same. It may not define me as much as it used to (my former swimmer’s shoulders and thick, blond hair). Still, it is my rental vehicle for this lifetime, so I’ve been cutting back or abstaining from as much chocolate and alcohol and living by the credo that food is medicine (which has been a particularly valuable lesson in this week’s Functional Health workshop in Baja). Yes, I don’t love looking at myself in the mirror any more. I’m 20 pounds overweight primarily from hormone depletion therapy. I have an abnormally swollen groin due to lymphedema from my pelvic lymph radiation. And, I have a series of scars on my belly due to the radical prostatectomy. But, even with all the dings and chipped paint, I still love this vehicle. I might even call it a classic. 

Thanks for supporting me on this journey. I feel like you’ve been my enlightened witnesses of me experiencing the trials and tribulations of being human. Hope you enjoyed this series this week. I have another series coming next week on the value of a silent meditation retreat. 

-Chip

P.S. Are you failing your body or is it failing you? We have an upcoming workshop February 10-15, Owning (Body) Wisdom, that is perfectly suited for anyone who wants to improve their relationship with their body. My favorite bodyworker in the world, Molly O’Brien, and a colleague will be joining us and, for the first time, we will be offering free one-hour treatments for every person in the workshop cohort who wants one (this is the only workshop in which we’ll be doing that). And, one of MEA’s best facilitators, Laurie Hofmann who was CEO and Chair of the Institute for Functional Medicine and colleague of Dr. Mark Hyman, will offer two sessions on the value of focusing on the root causes of disease rather than the after-effects. Whether you want to bring your spouse along as a Valentine’s Day gift or give yourself (and your body) this gift, sign up soon as this workshop will fill up.

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