When it comes to our health and happiness, friending might be the most important practice of all.
Studies show that an awful lot of people are struggling with loneliness these days. According to Our Epidemic of Loneliness, a 2023 report from the U.S. Surgeon General’s Office, about half of all US adults reported experiencing measurable levels of loneliness on a regular basis.
U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy says the rapid pace of modern life has only increased the problem of loneliness. In the last few decades, living in solitude has become a devastating habit for too many people – one that’s been exacerbated and amplified by Covid.
That’s a problem – because loneliness kills.
The negative impacts that poor social connection can have on your physical health include:
And those are just the physical consequences and don’t even begin to address the impacts on your mental and spiritual wellbeing – such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and disconnectedness – that can result when you don’t have a healthy number of friends in your life.
So if you spend most of your free time alone or with one other person (such as a spouse) and don’t have many close or casual friends you hang out with on a regular basis, I strongly encourage you to make “friending” one of your top priorities for 2025.
Your future health and happiness depend on it.
Are you at risk?
Take the UCLA Loneliness Scale Test to find out.
format taken from the Fetzer Institute
INSTRUCTIONS:
Indicate how often each of the statements below is descriptive of you.
O
“I often feel this way”
S
“I sometimes feel this way”
R
“I rarely feel this way”
N
“I never feel this way”
- 1I am unhappy doing so many things alone. O S R N
- 2I have nobody to talk to. O S R N
- 3I cannot tolerate being so alone. O S R N
- 4I lack companionship. O S R N
- 5I feel as if nobody really understands me. O S R N
- 6I find myself waiting for people to call or write. O S R N
- 7There is no one I can turn to. O S R N
- 8I am no longer close to anyone. O S R N
- 9My interests and ideas are not shared by those around me. O S R N
- 10I feel left out. O S R N
- 11I feel completely alone. O S R N
- 12I am unable to reach out and communicate with those around me. O S R N
- 13My social relationships are superficial. O S R N
- 14I feel starved for company. O S R N
- 15No one really knows me well. O S R N
- 16I feel isolated from others. O S R N
- 17I am unhappy being so withdrawn. O S R N
- 18It is difficult for me to make friends. O S R N
- 19I feel shut out and excluded by others. O S R N
- 20People are around me but not with me. O S R N
SCORING
O = 1
S = 2
R = 3
N = 4
Scores of 20 to 40 are considered low to moderate in terms of loneliness.
Scores of 40 to 60 are considered moderate to high in terms of loneliness.
Scores above 60 are considered high in terms of loneliness.
*Disclaimer: The UCLA Loneliness Scale is not a diagnostic tool and should be used with caution in clinical settings. It is only a self-report measure and should be used in conjunction with other measures, such as clinical interviews and observations, to make a diagnosis.
How did you do?
Just to be clear: if you don’t have friends, you’re probably lonely. Even if you tell yourself, “I don’t need people—I’m a loner,” research shows that it doesn’t matter what you think.
Whatever you believe you need or don’t need, you will still suffer from the detrimental effects of loneliness. This epidemic is agnostic to wealth, age, or any other determinant.
If you aren’t lonely, that is FANTASTIC NEWS. Keep on nurturing those valuable relationships!
If you know or suspect that you're experiencing the negative impacts of not having enough friends in your life, I have good news. There is a simple antidote to loneliness: it’s knowing how to make, keep, and be a good friend.
And I’m going to share some tips on how to do that next week. Stay tuned.
Jeff Hamaoui
MEA co-founder and Chief Education Officer