Then in 2017, my health fell apart. I looked fine on the outside, but inside I felt like I was wearing cement boots. The energy it took each day just to function had become gargantuan. Finally, I collapsed twice in the span of 3 weeks. One fall resulted in a carving knife piercing my hand; the second face-first fall smashed in my front teeth and split my lips. Standing upright had become difficult. It was undeniable that I needed help. Conventional medical tests said I was "normal." I knew I wasn't. 

Brene Brown says, "Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.

‍I surrendered. I put down my invincibility cloak and asked for help. 

A fellow YPO member is CEO of a leading hospital. I didn't know him well, but I reached out anyway. "I'm not well. Can you please help me?" For the first time in my life, I relinquished the illusion that I could do this on my own. I couldn't this time. 

That question, "Can you please help me?" changed my life. For starters, from that phone call, their world-renowned doctor helped reverse my health issue, and opened my aperture, passion and life approach to the world of holistic wellness. It is now core to who I am, both as a person and a business leader.  

The magnitude and ripple effect of that unexpected response to my question awakened me to how modern leaders lead with visible vulnerability, humility, inclusiveness, gratitude, and balance. I refer to it as leading from the feminine (whereas I spent most of my career leading from the masculine). 

What I have found in the six years since, is that my team thrives when I embody this. The more I exchanged my "essential hat", for the question, "can you help me?", people around me stood taller, leaned in more, accomplished more. Business wise, the last three years, arguably the hardest three years, resulted in our best years since inception financially, creatively and reputationally. So much so, that I felt at peace closing that chapter of my career, recently exiting the firm I created. 

So many of us have bold visions and ambitions. When we make room for others to help, they often do so in ways far beyond what we can envision ourselves.  

As I write this, I am reminded of profound words by Wayne Dyer about loosening our grip. He said that if we try to squeeze a waterfall, our fisted hands hold nothing. But if we relax our hand, that same water will generously pour over our palm and abundantly dance around every finger.

I often think of his metaphor when I need a reminder to relax my grip on things, and let the generosity of the universe in. 

- Jill

Jill Nykoliation is a Personal Coach, and human insight specialist. She was co-founder and CEO of award-winning advertising agency, Juniper Park/TBWA. During the pandemic, she & her team answered the world's cry for help, creating Signal For Help, the hand signal used by women trapped in domestically violent homes. Come January you’ll find her facilitating a private workshop at MEA.